Bojacob's Den

When Ramadan started, I needed distractions to make the day pass.  My stomach knotted and churned at the sight of food, so I had to find something.  Find something I did:  Maple Story.  Ignore the fact that it sounds like food.

It was by chance that I saw a YouTube video about this game, and somehow it seemed instantly fun!  It’s a cute 2D platformer MMORPG.  And, it was FREE!  How can this get better?!  I immediately downloaded the game and began my journey into Mapletown or whatever the hell the place was called.

It seemed like the game recommends I become a thief.  Fair enough.  I slashed and ripped through my enemy snails and slimes until I got stronger and stronger, and slowly, I began to experience the massive world of Mapleya or whatever the hell it’s called.  I admit it was quite big for a free game.  I stumbled into the Bazaar.

After about spending 15 minutes looking for the damn exit, I went back to adventuring.  It was quite difficult to be honest, and it quickly turned into a grinding session much like WoW, except this one has 200 frikkin’ levels.  Ah well, gotta start somewhere, eh?  I returned to town to replenish my supply of ninja throwing stars, until…

About 5 seconds later, I was so violated that my character died and the game crashed, but here’s a screen capture of the mayhem.

This was perhaps 0.003 seconds away from my character dying and crashing my PC along with it.  Sucks.

After recovering from the fatal blow, I nursed my anal injuries and went back to killing pigs for experience. 

I had to press CTRL a lot to fire my shurikens.  My hand was getting tired, so I devised a hack.

Yeah, that’s a nail to keep the CTRL button pressed.  Sadly, the game knows if you’ve held CTRL too long, so that went down the drain.

I pressed on for hours and finally asked the question.  What’s so great about this damn game?  As if my thoughts were heard by some unknown game deity, an answer presented itself on the top right.

I had no idea what that was, nor had I any idea how to do it.  And wait a minute, these love heart themes are appearing way more than was acceptable.  In fact, some conversations now strike me as quite disturbing:

It truly warmed my heart to see a couple of kids finding love :)  Their little hearts fluttering as they sit there, confused, yet happy of this wonderful, alien feeling.

Heh, ok this is taking a while.  A little creativity and romance perhaps?

The innocent love statement went SO downhill that it fell off my screen.  Something seems a little off about this.  And why is “cutethemule” looking for a friggin’ hubby?  What’s going on here?  I walked away from this very confusing event, and saw another pair in front of me.

Notice I was staring like an idiot, confused about the whole affair.  There was more love here than a bad hentai movie!

Let’s ignore the cute panda and pooch for a minute.  the L means “looking for.”  The guy is looking for a boyfriend for his sister.  My brain was beginning to melt from the possib-  err … from culture shock.

It seemed like relationships worked exactly like real life.  Example:

And 2 seconds later:

Perfect simulation.

As my travels continued, I met a lone samurai with an axe strapped on his back.  His name sounded vaguely familiar.  7mnny, a Kuwaiti samurai.  I had a pleasant chat with him, although I did notice he was decades younger than I am.

We parted ways after the conversation.  He walked away towards the sunset, his silhouette shrinking as he moved farther away towards the Windows logo, which somehow resembles my desktop … oh wait, the game crashed.

The game seemed rife with scammers.  Even I wasn’t spared, despite the fact I was completely broke anyway.

The goodness in their souls is overwhelming.  Almost as overwhelming as my sarcasm.  Ah well, time to move on!  I kept on seeing these pink texts and floating clouds with text.

Even I didn’t understand what that meant, but regardless, I could never figure out how this pink text was done.  It was broadcast to the whole server and everyone online would see it.

Here’s a pic of those cloud thingies on top right.

After much searching, asking, and investigating, it turns you have to buy an item to do that.  And by that, I mean buy it with REAL cash.  That pink message?  I think it’s about $1 a pop.

My mind began to reel.  Those guys are making money off of virtual items?  As I kept on gaining experience and power, I wondered if there was an item I could buy to make things go faster.  Sure enough:

Double experience for 4 hours.  $2!  I soooooo need this!  I got my card ready and rearin’ to go!  OMG, there’s even something that makes rare valuable items drop!  MUST BUY AND BE BETTER!

Wait, I can get a pet that collects treasures for me!  It’s only $10!  I’ll be richer and better!  BUYYY-

wait a minute…

Common sense kicked in.  What am I doing?  Why in the blue [bleep] am I even thinking of buying virtual items and experience points?  Freakin’ virtual pets?

I realized then, that I was almost caught in the cash draining traps of Nexon, the sly bastards who made the game.  I knew “free” was too good to be true.  If I was 10 years younger, I would be so hopelessly addicted, and broke.

I stepped back a bit and did some research on the game.  Sure enough, Fox has a story on it and how parents are suffering from their addicted, overspending kids.  There’s 4 million players in the game, making Nexon millions on virtual items.  It’s almost silly to believe, but I almost fell for it myself.

Remember a story about some Japanese girl getting 5 years in prison for killing someone’s virtual character?  This is the game they were talking about.  From the article:

The 43-year-old woman carried out the digital murder after the 33-year-old man suddenly “divorced” her in the game. She was quoted as saying, “I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry.” So angry, in fact, that she used login information she got from her former “husband” to access his account and then kill his character. The man notified police when he realized his avatar was dead, and the woman was arrested on “suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data.” She hasn’t been formally charged yet, but she could face up to five years in prison or a $5000 fine.

Fellas, let this be a lesson to you: never EVER give out your personal info to people you meet online. No, not even to your virtual spouses.

What a way to go to jail.  Your crime?  I killed a virtual character that’s about 2kb on my hard disk.  Still, I can’t belittle it, nor can I justify it.

Anyway, I got back in the game and decided to do some exploring before I trashed it.  The game does have a way of getting families together.

And solidifies friendships with never-seen-before star effects, for $2.70!

Also strengthens relationships with “Crush” rings.  $6.

Well I am glad they emphasized heterosexuality.  I wonder if that was a constant problem for the helpdesk?

Want to know why the game is addictive?

Yep, $2.7 and your character gets pink lips!  But wait…

Of course, a kiss mark on the cheek!  They go hand in hand!  Or hand in pocket for another $2.7

Constant reminders of “proving” your love.  Translation: buying virtual items for your spouse.

Heck, they even made a chapel to keep things serious.  I thought this was an action/adventure game?

And a whole virtual zone dedicated to lovebirds spending on each other.  In fact, one of the main factors for a healthy relationship is a healthy wad of Nexon cash (which you buy with real cash.)  This guy demonstrates his requirement for a girlfriend.

As I reached the end of my travels, I found a party with gifts and cakes falling like rain.  A pink message on the screen announcing someone’s departure from the game.  I remember it costs about $5 to do this party thing.

Good for you my friend, good for you.  I went ahead and took my leave as well.  I’m too old for this.  I much prefer wasting my cash on gadgets I don’t need. 

I just hope my 10 year old nephews don’t get wind of this.  Especially since Eid is just around the corner!  “Uncle Bojacob?  Can you get me a Crush Ring for me and my spouse?”  OH GOD NO!

—-

A few more screenies I took during the romp.

A jolt of Deja Vu.  ra7aal al 9agheer?

A very confused artist, mixing digital clocks with a genie lamp?

Disney?  You have another target to sue!

Faces!  $1 each.

Rings to change your text bubbles when you chat!  $4.5

That’s it.  Anyone tried the game out?  Am I going to get flamed for this?